Even the End has a Start
by AshieMac1985
Summary: Loki is imprisoned in Asgard awaiting his sentencing at the hands of the heads of the 9 Realms following he events of the Avengers movie. Thor comes to give him the news. Based on an RP on Omegle.
1. Chapter 1

Loki looked up from where he was sitting in his cell when he heard familiar footsteps approaching. "Thor?"

Thor put Mjolnir on the floor and approached Loki's cell with as calm a gaze as possible given the circumstances. "...Brother, the heads of the 9 Realms have come to a decision about your punishment for what happened on Midgard."

Loki swallowed hard and struggled to remain impassive. "And it is?" He asked, voice low to keep the quiver out of it.

Thor looked at the floor, trying to buy himself time before he had to give Loki the news. He raised his head and gazed at his brother. Thor put a hand on the cell bars to steady himself and said quietly, "Death..."

Loki wasn't sure he'd heard correctly, but one look at Thor's face and he knew he'd had. He tried to shrug it off "Well, it really couldn't have been anything else, now, could it?" He wanted to scream.

**Thor wasn't buying Loki's act and tried to explain all that had happened,** "...I tried to convince Father that the decision was too harsh but the heads of the 9 realms, wouldn't be placated with anything but your death...I'm sorry" a short silence passed and Thor continued " It is to happen in two days...guillotine...no pain..."

"I should be thankful that it will be painless, it's more than I was expecting. Thank you, Thor for speaking on my behalf, don't feel bad about what's going to happen, the blood is on my hands, not yours." Loki looked Thor in the eye and his composure slipped, "I don't want to die..." he whispered as a tear rolled down his cheek.

**Thor was suddenly having difficulties swallowing, there seemed to be a large lump in his throat that wouldn't leave. What remaining composure he'd had, fell away, Thor closed his eyes and rested his head against the cell bars. He didn't want Loki to die, if only the others knew him like he did...**

**"Is there anything I can do for you, Brother? Get you something to eat or drink?" Thor desperately wanted to show Loki he still cared.**

**The gesture did not go unoticed by Loki, it touched him to know Thor was still on his side.**

"No, food and drink never brought me pleasure. Just stay with me for awhile, if you can."

"Of course, Brother." Thor's voice broke as he looked at Loki and said "I'll come every day...On Monday morning I will take you to your room to get ready. I'll bath you and do your hair, you can chose your clothes..." Thor let out a broken sob.

"Don't think about the future, Brother. Think about the present, we are still together, we can talk and laugh like when we were children."

Thor thought his heart might break, here was the Loki he'd known as a child, destined so soon to be taken from him again...this time forever. He tried to smile but failed. he nodded slowly.

"Do you remember the day you wanted that red apple...the one on the highest branch? You were too small to get it so I climbed the tree for you and fell. Mother was so angry, but I didn't care. I just wish I'd been able to get the apple for you."

**You:** " You were my hero when we were young, you are still. Thor, look at me, no matter what I've done you always stayed by my side. Do you remember when we tried to steal father's sword? He was so angry..."

Thor chuckled through his tears "Oh Gods yes, Father was so angry. I said it was my idea and that I forced you to help me..."

"He didn't believe you though...and it was my idea..." Loki chuckled at the memory. "I wish I had one memory where Father was proud of me..." another tear rolled down his cheek. with his hands chained to the wall he was unable to wipe it away. Thor longed to be able to wipe Loki's tears away.

"Sleipnir?" Thor said, hoping that a bit teasing would melancholy the gloomy mood that had settled over them."Father was often proud of you, he was amazed by your talent for magic, you know..."

"Was he really? he never told me..." another tear

"I swear he was Loki..." Thor was about to break into Loki's cell to comfort him but the guard came back. Thor looked at Loki and nodded, sadly he said, "I'll come back tomorrow..."


	2. Chapter 2

"Good bye, Brother."

Once he was sure Thor was gone Loki whispered "I love you. I'm sorry." and summoned what little magic he had left, attempting to die by his own hand rather than that of the one he once called 'Father'.

**The **next day, Thor entered the prison and approached Loki's cell. Despite his Brother's assurances that he wanted nothing with which to pass the time, Thor carried a soft pillow, some fruit and Loki's favorite book

"Loki, I brought this for you, I know you said you did not want anything but...Loki?"

Loki stirred from his half sleeping state...his magic hadn't been strong enough to kill...and now Thor was here. "...Brother..."

The guard opened the door and Thor stepped inside the cell. He put the things he'd brought on the bench Loki was sitting on. Thor stared at his brother and put a large hand on the top of his head, tenderly he asked,

"What happened?" He was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

Loki weakly leaned into the touch. "Thor...last night I tried to kill myself, but failed. I want you to do it for me. I don't want to die in front of all of Asgard. Please, Brother..." Loki pleaded, green eyes searching blue for an answer.

Thor was silently frowning as he sat on the stone bench beside Loki, "Brother...I...I can't" he closed his eyes, he wanted to help Loki, but couldn't stand to hurt him. Thor sighed, "It won't be all of Asgard...just...Father, Mother, myself and heads of the 9 Realms..."

"I don't want them to see..." Loki started to cry quietly.

Thor closed his eyes, deep in thought, it seemed no matter what he did, Loki would be in pain. "Tomorrow," Thor said, making up his mind, "I'll bring you a cup of poisoned oak mead..." Thor was sure his heart was breaking.

"Thank you, Brother. I love you."

The blond god wrapped his arms around his little brother and hugged him tightly and tenderly, stroking his back and his hair "I'm sorry, so sorry..."

"It's not your fault, Thor." Loki snuggled up against his brother. "I just wish that I could disappear and start a new life where no one knows me...but I can't..."

"I talked about banishment with Father but the other heads of the 9 Realms forbade it. I'm so sorry Loki...I'm sure Valhalla is beautiful." he put his forehead against his brother's.

"Frost Giants don't go to Valhalla, Thor. They go to Hel..."

Thor tightened his grip on Loki and shook his head no. "This is not true...I know you will go to Valhalla...you are Loki, my Loki, my adorable little brother..."

Loki smiled a small, sad smile "It's true, Brother, it is in the books I read. I come from monsters"

"Books are not always right, Brother! No one has come back to from Hel or Valhalla and said for sure what happens after we die. I'm sure good frost giants will go to Valhalla..."

"...am I good?" Loki shook hid head, his hair brushing against Thor's tunic.

Thor bit his lip and kissed Loki's forehead "I know you are...you were just...angry"

Loki sighed "I guess we will find out tomorrow."

Thor rested his chin on the top of Loki's head. "Want me to tell you a fairy tale? Or maybe I can sing that lullaby we used to love so much, you remember the one? Mother was always sang it when you were frightened at night."

Thor, began to sing softly, his low voice rumbling deep in his chest.

"Lapsistain rakkain tää näyttämö on  
Mis kuutamo kujillaan kulkee  
Taipunut havu, kesä hoivassa sen  
Valkomeren niin aavan  
Joka aavekuum siivin  
Saapuu mut kotiin noutamaan

Päällä ralvisen maan hetki kuin ikuisuus  
Mi pienen kissan jaloin luokseni hiipii  
Tääl tarinain lähteellä asua saan mis  
Viulu valtavan kaihon  
Ikisäveltään maalaa  
Laulullaan herättää maan."

(Taikatalvi by Nightwish)

"I remember, it was always my favorite, sometimes I'd pretend to be frightened just so she'd sing..." Loki was shaking now.

Thor closed his eyes as he finished the song while Loki cried quietly in his brother's arms.

Suddenly, the brothers heard the sound of footsteps as someone approached the cell.

Thor turned his gaze on the intruder and frowned "Who is there?"

No one answered Thor's question, but the Odin silently walked through the cell door.


	3. Chapter 3

Thor frowned and stepped between Loki and Odin. "Father, why did you come here?..." He asked warily.

Odin again did not answer, he stepped forward and reached out to touch Loki.

Thor's roar of angry was truly frightening, "NO WAY!" he slapped Odin's hand away. "You don't touch him!"

Odin spoke for the first time since he appeared, "You don't tell me what to do, Boy. He is my son." growled Odin.

"Oh, so NOW he is your son! After you helped hand down the decision for him to die!" Thor stood up and faced his father, there was anger in his eyes "Leave, Old Man."

Odin didn't say anything, but moved around Thor to get at Loki. Loki flinched as Odin placed a hand his head. Odin looked down at him "You did this to yourself, you know, Loki. Thor, I want you to leave. Go and see your Mother, I need to...talk...with Loki."

Thor shook his head, frowning "No, will not leave you alone with Loki."

Loki didn't know what Odin wanted, but he didn't want to alone with his adopted father. Loki clung to his brother, like he had when Odin was angry when they were children.

"I'm staying." Thor said, staring at his father

Odin sighed and looked at Loki "I wish it weren't like this, I want you to know that. But there is nothing I can do to save you. Why couldn't you have been a good son, like Thor?"

Loki started, there were fresh tears in his eyes, "Even now, I am in Thor's shadow in you eyes? Why did you bother coming? Leave me alone. You are not my father."

Odin sat down between his sons "I AM your father, Loki...you are only half Frost Giant. When I took you back to Asgard after fighting with Laufey, it was to protect you from his wrath." Loki paled, not knowing what to think. He looked to Thor, as he always had, to try and understand what was happening.

Thor looked almost as shocked as Loki "What are you saying, Father?"

Odin sighed and ran a hand over his face, without looking at Loki he continued. "You're mother was called Ithunnr, she was a Frost Giant...she was Laufey's wife. One day I was on the border of our lands and saw her, she was beautiful and we lay together. We both went our separate ways, never thinking we'd see each other again."

Odin looked at his silent sons, "A little over nine months later, Ithunnr managed to get a message to me. She'd given birth to a son, but he was small...too small for any Frost Giant's child. Laufey suspected she'd been unfaithful, but never dreamed it was with me. Laufey was going to sacrifice the child to the Jotnn gods in the hopes of gaining a true heir. Chance meeting or not, I could not let a son of mine die by the hand of Laufey. That is why I rode into Jotunnheim and that is why I brought you back home, Loki. This is your home, but your natural strangeness precluded you to a happy life and for that I am sorry."

Odin cupped Loki's face with his hand and brushed a tear away with his thumb. "I am sorry, my Son. I know this is too little, too late...I can't stop your death, but I can make it as dignified as possible." Here, Odin produced a vile from his pocket, "It won't hurt and it will be quick." He said softly.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki took the vile with his shaking hand.

"Thank you...Father."

Hearing Loki finally speak, Thor was moved to action.

"No." He was using his 'Prince of Asgard' voice. "There has got to be a way to get out of this, there has to be. Loki, I will take you...anywhere, but here...and...and..." Thor's voice faltered and he let out a sob.

"No, Thor. It has to be this way. It's the only way I'll ever get any peace. Here's hoping for Valhalla..." With that Loki raised the vile in a mock cheer, tipped his head back and swallowed the contents.

"NO!" Came Thor's broken wail as Odin held him back.

"This is his choice, Thor. Let him make it."

"His choice?! What kind of choice is this, choosing between deaths! HE IS YOUR SON! Do you really care so little for him?!" Thor was near hysterical as he shouted at his father.

"I care deeply for both of you, that is why in giving Loki a choice I have also made mine." Said Odin gazing thoughtfully at the now limp and lifeless from of his youngest son.


	5. Chapter 5

"What do you mean, Father?" Thor practically spat the words at the All-Father.

Ignoring Thor, Odin walked to the door, "Guard! My son has taken his life, like the coward he is, instead of facing his sentencing like a man. I am taking his body with me to be prepared for his pyre." The guard nodded, stunned but not terribly concerned...same outcome either way, he figured.

Odin crossed the small cell to Loki's body and effortlessly picked him up. He walked without another word toward his chambers with Thor close on his heels.

"Father..."

"Silence!"

The looks they got walking through the halls ranged from pity (aimed at Thor and Odin) to hostility (towards the dead god). When they breeched the doors that separated the Odinson's private chambers from the public part of the palace they were alone, aside from Frigga.

"Odin, what...?" Frigga's voice was faint, her hand rose to her chest as if to still her racing heart.

Odin ignored both his wife and remaining son and walked into Loki's room, locking the door behind him.

Carefully setting Loki's body on his bed, Odin stood back and watched his son...it was now or never.


	6. Chapter 6

Odin stood stoically with an arm around Frigga's waist and a hand on Thor's shoulder as they watched the burning boat carry Loki's body to Valhalla.

Thor struggled and failed to keep his composure as silent tears coursed down his cheeks, he had failed the one person he loved best in all the 9 Realms. That feeling alone was enough to make him wish he were with Loki on that fiery pyre.

Frigga wept openly over the fate of her son. Ithunnr may have birthed him, but she was not his mother, not like the Asgardian Queen had been. Frigga thought of all the times she'd cradled Loki in her arms during storms, sang him to sleep at night and kissed cuts and scrapes better, she would never see her son again. A broken wail escaped her queenly lips, Odin bowed his head and tightened his grip on her but said nothing.

The burning boat was grew smaller and smaller until it was barely visible. Frigga and Thor still stared after it, but Odin walked away. He was thinking of his youngest son, he was smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

That same night, in a different realm, a different kind of celebration was held in Loki's honor. His arrival in Alfheimr was one of happiness and joy. The god was welcomed as a friend and heralded as a worthy student by the Light Elves.

A large feast was prepared and entertainment arranged for. Loki sat at the head of the table eating, sharing stories with the elves and watching the performers play and dance.

One dancer, in particular, caught his eye. He did not know her name, just that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. As she danced in the golden light of the elfin hall, her gauzy, white dress swirled around and her golden hair floated around her head, framing her face. For Loki, a god who wasn't sure love even existed anymore, it was love at first sight.

Too soon was the celebration over, too soon was the beautiful dancer gone.

Loki was shown to his new quarters, they were truly fit for a Prince of Asgard. A soft, white, canopied bed lay in the middle of the room, surrounded by intricately carved furniture. Golden walls reached up to a white ceiling enchanted to look like the night sky and the floor was covered in plush rugs. Seeing it for the first time in the moonlight, it took Loki's breath away.

He was left alone to keep his own company and to rest. As he settled down in bed, Loki couldn't help but go over the events that had transpired after he drank from the vial down in his prison cell...

***FLASHBACK***

Odin slipped his hand into his tunic and brought out a second vial. Gently he eased the liquid between Loki's parted lips. As he watched the antidote work, he thought of what he was going to do with his wayward son. The boy knew so much Dark Magic, perhaps he could balance it by learning some Light.

Loki's lungs struggled to function after being inactive for a time, his heart painfully beat in his chest. He groaned faintly as he regained consciousness.

He was convinced, for one brief, beautiful moment, that all of it, the Rainbow Bridge, Midgard, had been nothing more than a terrible nightmare and that he would soon get up and go down to breakfast just like he did every day. But one look at his father's sad face brought him rapidly back to reality.

Loki stared at the All-Father, "...what...? The poison, I drank it!" He whispered, something told him he should be as quiet as possible.

"And I gave you the antidote. Did you really think that I, your father, would let you die?"

Loki was silent, so Odin continued, "You are my son, Loki...no matter what you do, nothing will change that. I know that this is too little, too late, but I am trying to help you."

Loki stored that in the back of his mind to mull over later, there were more pressing concerns at present.

"What do I do know?" His voice was that of the child Odin had known so long ago.

"I am sending you to Alfheimr to live with the Light Elves. Perhaps you will enjoy Light Magic as much as you do Dark." Odin's lip quirked.

"The Light Elves...will they even take one such as me?"

"I am sure they would be happy to have such a talented god among them."

Did his father just compliment him?

Odin helped Loki to stand and dress in clean clothes, his mind drifting back to helping him dress as a small child...before everything went wrong.

"All of your magic has been unbound. Please Loki, try to see the good in this." Odin was close to pleading with his son. Loki smiled at his father, assuring him that he would try.

"If you need anything, contact me and only me. No one can know about this, not even your Mother and your Brother. Do you understand?"

Loki nodded.

Odin sighed, "It is time."

He briefly embraced his youngest son before summoning his own magic and sending Loki to Alfheimr. Odin stared at the place where his son had stood.

"Good luck, my Son."

He then set about creating a replacement for Loki's body.

After Odin left Loki's chambers it was as if nothing had changed while he'd been in there. Thor still paced angrily and Frigga still could not comprehend that her brilliant son was gone forever.

She had wept as she washed and dressed her son's body for his pyre.

***END FLASHBACK***

"Mother, Thor...Father..." Loki whispered their names to the moonlight, feeling small and scared in his new home...so far from all he knew...all he thought he hated.

Softly he began to sing the song his Mother had always sung, the one Thor had sung only a day before.

"Lapsistain rakkain tää näyttämö on  
Mis kuutamo kujillaan kulkee  
Taipunut havu, kesä hoivassa sen  
Valkomeren niin aavan  
Joka aavekuum siivin  
Saapuu mut kotiin noutamaan

Päällä ralvisen maan hetki kuin ikuisuus  
Mi pienen kissan jaloin luokseni hiipii  
Tääl tarinain lähteellä asua saan mis  
Viulu valtavan kaihon  
Ikisäveltään maalaa  
Laulullaan herättää maan."

(Taikatalvi by Nightwish)


	8. Chapter 8

In Midgard, the Royal Family struggled to pick up the pieces and move on, Thor was perpetually angry and trained harder than ever, Frigga was quietly inconsolable and Odin was silent as ever but it was clear something was on his mind.

In Alfheimr, it was anything but life as usual for Loki, so well immersed in the Dark Arts he'd almost forgot the Light existed. Everything in Alfheimr was light and airy, from the flora and fauna to the buildings and clothing. Every day he woke with the dawn, ad bathed in crystal clear waters. Breakfasted on sumptuous food and trained with the Elves.

"Again, Loki. Try it again." coached Saevarr (Sea-spear), "I know you have it in you, just relax."

"Relax? I am not sure I remember how..." Loki closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, willing his muscles and mind to lose their tension. Slowly, as Loki concentrated, a spherical shape formed between his pale, outstretched hands, it was made of water. He moved, with eyes closed, to guide the sphere to a plant. By slowly moving his fingers he was able to water it with a miniature rain shower and the sphere descended upon the plant, drip by drip.

"Very good!" cried Saevarr, "I told you could do it!" The Elf clapped Loki on the back in congratulations. Loki was momentarily lost for words, no one had ever been quite so nice to him.

"Th..thank you...for being patient with me. You are a good teacher."

Saevarr grinned, more Imp-like than Elf. "Come on, let's go see what Arngerðr (Bird- protector) is doing.

The two men (well, Elf and God) walked to a clearing in the middle of a vast forest. The clearing was filled with wild flowers and grasses, a stream bubbled its way through. Deep, dark, but not unpleasant, woods surrounded the place. The whole area echoed with bird song. Standing at the far edge of the clearing was Arngerðr, she was quietly singing to the Nightingale perched on her hand.

The small bird tittered and Arngerðr looked up and over to Saevarr and Loki. "Good day, How fare you two?"

"Very well, indeed Arngerðr. You should have come with us this morning, Loki has very much improved." Saevarr replied, sounding rather proud of his godly pupil.

Loki blushed faintly at the words, partly because he was unused to praise and partly because he was being praised up to the dancer that caught his eye and heart on his first night here.

"And Loki, how are you?" Arngerðr looked directly at him, curiously.

"I am well, thank you. And yourself?"

"Such manners, perhaps, you could teach them to Saevarr as he teaches you Water Magic." She grinned, "I am well, thank you for asking."

Saevarr and Arngerðr continued to talk, but as much as Loki silently loved her, he did not listen to them. He was occupied by taking in his surroundings, never had he seen such a beautiful and peaceful place.

He watched, with childlike wonder, as sunlight bounced off of the rippling stream. As young willow trees swayed in the gentle breeze. As that same gentle breeze caressed his skin and stroked his hair.

He wandered to the stream and looked at his reflection. Everything in this Realm was magical, the reflection that looked back at him was Jotun, not Asgardian...it seems he could not hide his true self here.

Saevarr and Arngerðr had walked to him without his noticing, until he saw their reflections watching his. Quickly he jumped back, so as not to let himself be seen as a monster. The Elves watched his reaction curiously.

"Why do you invest the constant effort needed to hide who you are?" Asked Arngerðr.

Honestly, if anyone else had asked, even Saevarr, Loki would have gotten angry and left. But she seemed only curious, not condemning.

"Frost Giants are monsters."

"But you are one..."

"Half, only half...which is even worse..." Loki mused, more to himself than the Elves.

"What do you mean?" It was Saevarr this time.

Loki sighed, "I belong neither with the Gods or the monsters...I'm an imposter wherever I go."

Arngerðr frowned, a line forming between her brows. "That's not true, you belong here. With us."

Loki laughed ruefully, "If there were a place where I belonged less than Asgard and Jotunheim, it's amongst the Light Elves...you are my opposites in everything...I am evil, you are good." The last line was said as though it was a memorized line, "I am evil...I am a monster, what parents tell their children about at night."

Saevarr looked skeptical and Arngerðr looked sad, but Loki couldn't see their expressions as he was staring at the ground. He could feel tears sting his eyes and then fall, watering the wild flowers at his feet.

Saevarr wasn't sure what to do, but Arngerðr spoke up, "If you were evil and a monster you would not care that you were. You would not be shedding tears over your heritage, you'd be celebrating it. Loki..." She took his face in her small hands, "You are a good and talented man, you just need to believe in yourself and not what others have told you."

Saevarr nodded behind her, "You choose your path in life. Perhaps you got a little lost in the past, but you are here now, we will help you."

"I do not deserve help."

"Yes you do. You said you do not deserve help, not that you do not want it. There is a vast difference between the meaning of those two sentences..."

Loki stared at Arngerðr understanding her meaning, but still unsure it applied to him.

"I will try to be good, I swear I will."

"You are good, you just cannot see it yet." With that, Saevarr started walking back towards the path they'd walked in on. "Are you coming?"

"I think...I think I would like to stay here awhile, it is peaceful."

"Suit yourself." With a wave he was gone. It was just Arngerðr and Loki now.

Loki lay on his back watching the clouds overhead, softly humming without realizing it.

"What is that song? It is beautiful."

"Hmmm...oh, it is called Taikatalvi, my mother used to sing it to me when I was afraid as a child. My brother sang it to me recently, when I was still in prison..." Why was he telling her this?

"Would you sing it for me? I love hearing new songs...maybe you could teach it to me?"

The young god blushed at her request, but the breeze and the laughing stream had eased his nerves and she his doubts. Softly he began:

"Lapsistain rakkain tää näyttämö on  
Mis kuutamo kujillaan kulkee  
Taipunut havu, kesä hoivassa sen  
Valkomeren niin aavan  
Joka aavekuum siivin  
Saapuu mut kotiin noutamaan

Päällä ralvisen maan hetki kuin ikuisuus  
Mi pienen kissan jaloin luokseni hiipii  
Tääl tarinain lähteellä asua saan mis  
Viulu valtavan kaihon  
Ikisäveltään maalaa  
Laulullaan herättää maan."

(Taikatalvi by Nightwish)

When he'd finished Arngerðr was smiling. "That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing that with me."

Loki gave her a small smile in return, some sadness mixed in with it. "You are most welcome."

Arngerðr, being as intelligent as she was, filled the song away in her mind, you never know when music may be useful.


	9. Chapter 9

Months passed and Loki excelled at the Light Arts, being surrounded everyday by friends who were warm and encouraging made his heart light and his laugh stronger. He loved his friends, the Elves who had taken him in without a second thought, but his joy did not banish the memory of his family or the nightmares he faced alone in the dark. But, life was good...much better than he could ever have hoped for, who was he to complain?

Daily he practiced with Saevarr, he'd progressed long ago from water bubbles and was now on to conjuring storms. He spent the evening after he mastered the skill pretending Thor was there so they could bond over this shared activity. But Thor wasn't there and Loki was alone. He could sleep even less than usual, so he went down into the moonlit garden beneath his window and stared into the pond. A Frost Giant still gazed back, but Arngerðr was slowly convincing him that it was not a bad thing to be different.

Presently the Elf came down to the garden, having heard Loki leave his chambers.

"What troubles you on such a beautiful night, Loki?"

Loki jumped, the fleet footed Elf had made no sound when she'd come into the garden, he'd thought he was alone.

"Ah, it's nothing...serious, do not trouble yourself with burdens that are not your's to carry." It was not Loki's need for privacy that made him evade her question, but the genuine want to not bother her.

"A burden is best lightened when shared." She countered.

Loki sighed, she was right...

"Today I mastered the skill of conjuring storms...that is a power my Brother has, I was just thinking about him...and Mother and...how they think me dead."

Pale, moonlight eyes watched him silently until he was finished speaking. "It pains you, to neither know how they fare nor to have them know you are alive." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes..." Loki turned away, determined to hide the tears in his eyes. He would have succeeded too, had Arngerðr not started singing Taikatalvi so softly it was if she sang it for herself.

A tear ran down his cheek and quietly splashed into the pond, then another and another. Loki's shoulders shook silently as she wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

"I told you I would help you," She turned Loki around so they were facing each other and cupped his face in her hands. "and I meant it."

Loki gave Arngerðr a weak smile, before standing and giving her his hand to help her up. Gently he hugged the small Elfin woman and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you, you've done so much already...I hardly know what I could do to repay you."

"Stay as you are now and do not turn back to the Dark ways, that will be enough for me." Her eyes said more and they both knew it, but now was not the time to explore those possibilities. With a murmured good night, they retired to their separate chambers to sleep away the dawn.


	10. Chapter 10

**For YouThereintheTrunks, because in a roundabout way, you kinda asked for this...**

Frigga sat quietly weeping in her private garden. Her once beautiful plants were waning and dying from lack of care. Ever since Loki died she could find joy in nothing, not even in her beloved garden. Everything brought back long forgotten memories of her son, this book or that painting...but nothing brought back the memories like the garden did.

She could almost see a young Loki following her around the garden like he used to.

***FLASHBACK***

"Mother, what is this plant called?" Wide green eyes looked up at her.

"It is called Mistletoe, Loki."

"Why is it called that? What does it mean?"

Frigga chuckled, "Oh my little Loki, must you know the reason for everything?"

"I'm not little! Someday, I'll grow up and be a warrior just like Father! I'll hunt down the Frost Giants with him and Thor!" Loki cried out with passion.

Frigga outwardly showed nothing but motherly indulgence in her son, but inwardly her heart hurt.

"Being a warrior is not everything, Loki, despite what your Father would tell you. You must be wise...and kind to make your way in any Realm."

"Wise and kind...?"

"Yes, Loki. Wise and kind...especially kind. Anyway, Mistletoe has a tradition associated with it, would you like to know what it is?"

"Yes, please Mother."

Frigga looked at the harmless plant and then at Loki, "During the Winter Festival, if you find yourself standing under some Mistletoe that is hanging, you have to kiss whoever is standing there with you!"

Frigga laughed at the look on Loki's face, he was torn between amusement and horror at the idea. Then as she bent down to tend to the plant Loki placed a kiss on her cheek, and then being the boy that he was he ran off to find Thor to share the story of the disgusting plant.

From her garden she over heard: "Kissing, Brother! Can you imagine? What if it were a girl?!"

***END FLASHBACK***

Frigga laughed softly, but found laughing hurt too much. How could she laugh when Loki would never tell her another joke? Or play another prank? When had everything become so wrong?

A tear rolled down the heartsick mother's cheek, then another. Slowly, she gave into her tears, at least out here she could let it out with no one around to judge her.

Her shoulders shook as she quietly cried into her hands, mourning her son even after all this time. Suddenly, large, rough hands drew her's from her face. Frigga looked up into the eyes of the man in front of her.

"I miss him so m..much, Odin..."

Odin was silent as he sat beside his wife and held her a hand carding through her hair. Eventually she quieted down and rested against him. Watching her cry brought home the fact that he could end her suffering in just a few words...just a few to say Loki was safe.

"Frigga..." Odin's voice was unusually gentle, "Darling, I...I know you miss him, I do as well. But perhaps you should focus on the son you still have..."

"Yes..yes, you are right...I shall go and tell the cook to prepare Thor's favorite meal for supper."

And with that Frigga was gone, her grief poured back into herself unill the next time she could not contain it.

Odin stared at the suffering garden, his own, unbidden, memories bubbling up. A five year old Loki ridding high on his (Odin's) broad shoulders, struggling to reach the highest bough on the apple tree in the garden, its fruit was to be a present for Frigga.

Odin sighed, in the end, he reasoned, it would be less painful for Frigga, his beloved wife, to think Loki dead, rather than to know he was alive and that she could not see him.

But that didn't mean Odin did not miss Loki, it was not the same without him. Odin rose, he had a meeting to attend. Life went on.


	11. Chapter 11

It was a beautiful, warm spring day. The sky was blue and filled with fluffy white clouds. The grass was deep green and smelled sweet. The trees swayed in the gentle breeze, whispering to each other in a language only they knew.

Loki and Arngerðr were sitting in, what he always thought of as, her clearing. The breeze gently smoothed his hair back from his face, bring all sorts of delicious forest scents to his nose.

They were laying in the grass watching the clouds go by, pointing out shapes they thought they saw. Loki was happy, right then and right there- he was happy.

Loki grew thirsty and got up to get a drink from the stream, seeing his true self reflected there no longer bothered him- not even as he watched Arngerðr's reflection appear along side his. She glanced at Loki curiously and asked the same question Saevarr had asked months ago.

"Why do you use up so much energy shielding your true self? Is it not tiresome?"

Loki sighed,"It is. But it is something I have always done, I do not notice the strain much."

"Do you ever stop? When you sleep or bathe?" Arngerðr blushed slightly, but still looked him in the eye, waiting for an answer.

"No, never." He returned her stare, "Why does it bother you that I do this? My magic has not suffered despite the constant use. Has it?"

"No...it is just...would you not like to relax, completely? Perhaps you do not notice the strain because you have never stopped doing it."

Loki looked at her, she had a point...

"Do you wish to see my true self?" He was more than a little curious to hear her answer.

"If you wish me to." Arngerðr looked down, suddenly shy.

"That...is not an answer." Loki chided gently.

Loki slipped a cool hand under her chin and brought her gaze up to meet his. Slowly, very slowly so as not to scare her, he willed himself to change, his skin turned an icy blue, the raised scars- the markings of his people appeared and his usually green eyes glowed red.

Arngerðr's eyes widened in wonder, seeing Loki's reflection had been one thing but seeing him sitting right there in front of her like this was another matter all together.

Cautiously, she reached out a hand and ran soft fingers over the scars on Loki's face, he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. Arngerðr leaned closer and brushed her lips against his, pale lids fluttering closed over her sea colored eyes. Loki gently wrapped his arms about her waist and pulled her closer, this had been a long time coming to his mind and this was the perfect time.

Were anyone to look in the clearing at this moment they would have seen a strange sight indeed. A Frost Giant and and Light Elf, laying in the soft grass, were holding hands and cloud gazing.


	12. Chapter 12

Thor was still angry, it'd been a year and he was still angry. Odin told him to get over it, a year was long enough to grieve for a brother. Thor wondered if he said the same thing to Frigga, who still wept when she thought no one was around to see her. What did Odin care, even if he was Loki's real father...did he not understand? Loki hadn't let go of Odin down in that prison cell...he'd let go of Thor.

He needed to get out of Asgard, maybe then he would be able to clear his mind of his anger. But he didn't want to go to Midgard, there were too many bad memories there. Where could he go? Jotunheim was out of the question as well...he wouldn't go to any Realm, he'd go outside them. Thor would literally escape his problem.

It was a tough journey, but by nightfall in Asgard, Thor found himself sitting at the roots of Yggdrasill- The Tree of Life itself. He hadn't see anyone on his way down, but Thor supposed not many people would do this sort of thing.

Thor stretched out on a root to rest and feeling more relaxed than he had in well over a year he fell into a light sleep.

Thor awakened to the sound of hushed female voices and wondered who could be down there with him. Quietly he got up and peeked around a large root at the source of the voices. Women? They were next to a well and were drawing water from it and mixing it with sand. They then took the mixture and poured it over Yggdrasill's roots. They seemed harmless enough, Thor cleared his throat and stepped out from behind the root. They looked up, unsurprised, waiting.

"Excuse me, Ladies. I am..."

"We know who you are, Thor Odinson. And we know why you are here. The question is, do you?"

Thor looked at the woman who had spoken, she was impossibly old.

"I am sorry, I do not know what you mean..."

The middle aged woman sighed, "Asgardians...You are in pain and you seek relief, so much so that you willingly leave not only your own Realm, but all of them. Is this not so?" She looked at Thor curiously.

Thor was beginning to get uncomfortable in the company of these strange women.

"Any one could know who I am and that I am troubled, this past year's events are no secret."

The youngest's eyes lit up, "Would you like to know a secret, Thor?"

Thor frowned, thinking it over and then shrugged, "Yes, I would."

"Secrets are a heavy burden, Prince-ling. Are you sure?" Asked the middle woman.

"Yes, they are heavy burdens...but now, on to the secret!" The oldest crowed.

"Oh, I suppose we should introduce ourselves, we know who you are, but you do not know us. We are the Norn Witches. This is Urdr, the fate of the past." The youngest gestured to the oldest. "This is Verdandi, fate of the present." She gestured to the middle woman. "And I am Skuld, fate of the future. This well is called Urdarbrunnr, the Well of Fate. We mix the water with sand and pour it on Yggdrasil's roots to keep them from rotting." Skuld smiled, full of youth and enthusiasm. "Do not worry, that was not the secret."

Urdr hobbled over to Thor and whispered in his ear, "Odin lied. Loki lives."

Thor started in surprise but before he could ask any questions, the Norn Witches were gone and he found himself standing in his room in Asgard. Had that really just happened?

He repeated the words Urdr had said, "Odin lied...no surprise there. Loki lives...how can that be? I helped send him to Valhalla."

Thor was growing increasingly agitated, he was strongly considering confronting his father, the little good it would do him, and getting to the bottom of what the Norn's had told him.

Thor marched out of his room and down the hall.


	13. Chapter 13

This was a joyous day, and the surroundings in Alfheimr reflected that, banners and garlands hung from the trees, birdsong filled the air and fantastic food covered the table. Loki sat at the feast with all of his friends, Elves he'd come over the past year to consider his family. Arngerðr was seated beside him. Life was good.

As Loki picked up his goblet and toasted his friends, the thin band of gold on his ring finger glinted in the sunlight. His friends all toasted back, to Loki and Arngerðr, may they always know happiness and peace.

This day was Loki and Arngerðr's wedding day, the happiest day of Loki's life...the only thing that could have made it better was if his family had been there. He sighed and then smiled, getting up to dance with his bride. They would have many many happy years he was sure.

They danced in the light of the perpetual sunshine, the beautiful elfin music rising and swelling all around them. As the song ended, Loki pulled Arngerðr close and kissed her, grinning like he hadn't since he was a child. "I love you. Forever." His young bride looked up at him, with a grin to match his "I love you too." Loki twirled her around with one hand and created a flower out of thin air with the other, he gently tucked it behind her ear. No one that saw them could ever doubt that they were deeply in love with each other, not even Thor.

Thor sighed, a bittersweet feeling settling in his chest, he was truly happy for his brother, but at the same time he was heartbroken knowing he could never be a part of Loki's new life. He turned and walked away from the trees he'd been hiding behind, it was time to go back to Asgard.

Loki looked toward the trees, he could have sworn he'd seen Thor over there...

"What are you looking at?" Arngerðr asked, looking in the same direction.

Loki shrugged, "It was nothing, just a trick of the light" and my heart, he thought.


	14. Chapter 14

Thor arrived back in Asgard and went straight to his father's chambers. He was no longer violently angry, but he was still angry. He burst through the doors without knocking.

"Thor, I am busy. Come back later." Odin said, without looking up from the papers he was reading. Thor grabbed the papers from his father's hand.

"Thor!" Odin's tone was both commanding and intimidating.

"Do you know where I was a few days ago? I was at the very roots of Yggdrasill. Do you know who I ran into down there? The Norn Witches. And do you know what the Norn's told me? Four words, Father...just four, little words...'Odin Lied. Loki Lives.' Explain this to me."

"Those old Norn's are out of their minds, living outside of Yggdrasill will drive anyone mad. They mean not what they say."

Thor's voice was deadly calm as he growled, "Odin lies yet...Loki lives."  
"Your brother is dead, I am sorry, Thor. But he is. And no words from the addled brain of a Norn Witch will make it any different!"

"Then how is it that I just watched his wedding to an Elf in Alfheimr?!" Thor roared.

"His what?" Odin was shocked, his brown creased, he had heard nothing in the monthly report on Loki from Alfheimr about a wedding. He started shuffling through his papers, looking for the report.

Thor reached into his tunic and drew out a scroll, "Looking for this?" He'd gone looking for Odin after speaking with the Norns but found only the report. No words can ever describe what Thor went through reading it.

"You impetuous boy. How dare you go through my things!" Odin reached for the scroll, but Thor took a step back and out of his reach.

"How dare you...how dare you lie to Mother and I. How dare you make us suffer this way. HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO OUR FAMILY!"

"I did this for our family, Boy. Loki is safe and happy, your Mother grieves for his death, not over his life...a life none of us can be a part of. I chose the lesser of two evils and you will regret it if you tell your Mother about any of this. Do you hear me?!"

Odin grabbed the scroll out of Thor's hand, tucked in his tunic and escorted his son out of the room. "Not one word, Thor."

Odin shut and locked the door, returning to his desk to read the report Thor had stolen.

"Dearest All-Father,

things here continue to run smoothly. Loki is progressing greatly in his studies, he is a wonderful student and friend. If he could I am sure he would tell you all about it here. He misses you all greatly, he never can quiet put his family from his mind. But that brings me to my big news, Loki is getting married to Arngerðr this Saturday. Perhaps you could attend? Loki has said nothing on the matter, but I know it would mean the Realm to him if you came.

I trust things are good in Asgard.

Sincerely,

Granmarr

High Chancellor of Alfheimr"

Odin ran a hand over his tired face, he'd missed it. He'd missed Loki's wedding. His heart sank and a tear rolled down his cheek, if only he'd known in time...but Thor could hardly be blamed for his actions Odin would have done the same thing in his place.

Perhaps it was time for a visit.


	15. Chapter 15

Loki was sitting with Arngerðr one day not long after their wedding when he looked up and saw Odin walking towards them. Loki was stunned, frozen in place until his wife nudged him with her elbow, "Go and speak with your Father, Loki." She may have never left Alfheimr before, but everyone knew the All-Father when they saw him.

"F..Father, is everything alright in Asgard? Has something happened?" Concern showed plainly on Loki's pale face.

"Be calm, Loki. Everything is fine, I simply wished to see you and to meet your wife." Odin smiled, a genuine smile of happiness- which, had you asked Loki a little over a year ago he would have said was not possible.

Loki beamed and motioned for Arngerðr to come over and join the conversation. "Father, this is Arngerðr. Arngerðr, this is my Father, Odin."

The Elfin woman curtseyed gracefully and Odin bowed his head, formalities over he embraced his new daughter-in-law gently and kissed her cheek. Loki stared in surprise, he had never seen his father act so freely, not even in the privacy of his own chambers. Odin grinned at his son's expression before pulling Loki into a hug as well.

"I did not do that enough when you were a child, Loki, and I deeply regret it. I hope when you have children you will be a better father than I was." Odin said with a rueful smile as they sat down.

"You did your best, Father...you had a Realm to rule and others to watch over and protect. You were there when we needed you most."

Odin's heart soared at Loki's words, not because he felt they excused his lax parenting but because they showed how unclouded Loki's mind and heart were, how good Alfheimr had been for him. Odin smiled at his youngest son and his pretty wife.

"I wish I could have been here for your wedding, but I was made aware of it too late, I am afraid." Odin was testing the waters, as it were, fishing to see if Thor had been reckless enough to have been seen.

"It is okay, Father, sometimes things just do not work out timing wise."

Here Arngerðr spoke up, "What about when you thought you saw someone in the trees?"

Loki dismissed the idea instantly, but gently. "It was a trick of the sunlight and a bit of wishful thinking on my part. Nothing more."

Odin decided it would be kinder to not tell Loki about Thor's visit, anger and knowledge that Loki was alive, there was no need to cause him unnecessary pain when he was clearly so very happy in his new life.

"How are things in Asgard? How are Thor and Mother?"

"Asgard is the same as ever, though perhaps a bit quieter now that no one is bewitching chickens to sound like elephants..." Odin raised a brow playfully.

Loki grinned, "You never had any proof that that was me."

His wife rolled her eyes, "It certainly sounds like something you would do."

"Thor and your Mother miss you, but they manage to cope well enough..." Odin trailed off looking thoughtful.

"And how are you, Father? I know it cannot be easy to keep this from them."

"There have been many times that I have almost told your Mother that you are alive, but it seems crueler to do that and let her have no part in your life than to have her think you dead and in Valhalla."

Loki nodded his agreement, both options hurt but only one carried any sense of closure with it.

Arngerðr's eyes flicked between the two silent, thoughtful gods, the mood needed lightening. She placed a dainty hand on Loki's arm and gave him a slight push.

"Hmmm...?" Loki's attention snapped onto his wife's face and she raised her brows and then glanced down. As if reading her mind the young god said, "Oh Father, we have news for you. Arngerðr and I are to have a child."

Loki grinned and wrapped an arm around Arngerðr's shoulders, pulling her close. It took Odin a moment to process the news, but when he did, he got up and embraced them both.

"I am so very happy for you, my son. And very proud of the god you have become."

Loki's heart felt close to bursting, those were the words he'd longed to hear from his father for so long.

He looked up at his father, "I know I cannot go home, but would you...perhaps...come here sometimes?"

Odin smiled, "Of course, I will come whenever I have a moment to spare."

Loki knew that Odin's spare moments were few and far between, but just hearing his father say all that he had today made waiting for the next time more bearable.

The All-Father sighed, "I must go now, I have a meeting I must attend. But know that I will keep my word, you shall see me again."

Odin embraced the young lovers and said his goodbyes. As he walked away, Odin stopped and turned with something in his hands. When Loki took it, he looked down to see his own rattle from when he was a baby.

"For your son...or daughter." Odin smiled and then vanished back to Asgard, leaving Loki staring at the gift in his hands. He had a smile on his lips and tears in his eyes.

Arngerðr walked to his side and put a slender arm around his waist, with her free hand she picked up the rattle. It was solid silver, but not heavy like you would expect. There were finely wrought engravings depicting Yggdrasill and the Nine Realms. When she shook it a beautiful tinkling sound filled the air. Loki watched her examine the toy, still smiling. He placed a hand on her belly, oh yes, their child would play with the rattle and he, or she, would know where they came from and, most importantly, that they had two parents who loved them more than anything.

Loki wrapped his arms around Arngerðr, "Forever." he whispered into her hair. She smiled and stood on her toes to kiss him.

"Forever." She agreed.


	16. Chapter 16

The months passed quietly, with Loki and Arngerðr getting ready for the baby and Odin coming to see them whenever he could.

One night, Loki was woken from a deep sleep by Arngerðr. "My water broke." She said quietly, wide eyes staring into his, both of them knowing it was too soon and that they could lose the baby.

Loki wrapped Arngerðr up in a warm quilt and left her to go and get the village midwife. His heart pounded as he hammered on her door, "Please, Maeva...we need you!" he cried frantically. "Please..." The door opened and the tiny Elf rushed out into the night. Loki quickly followed her back to his home. When they got there, he did just as he was instructed to. He got hot water, clean linens and did his best to stay out of the way.

By this time, Maeva's helpper had arrived, sleep tousled but alert. Loki got one last glimpse of his wife before they shut him out of the room. For hours he listened to the noises issuing from the room, the clatter of medical instruments, hushed voices he couldn't make out. The one noise he never failed to hear were Arngerðr's cries of pain. By the time the sun rose, Loki was beyond distressed. Saevarr came not long after sun rise to sit with Loki, if there was ever a time the god needed a friend, it was now.

Saevarr did his best to get Loki to eat and speak, but it was in vain. All Saevarr could do was sit with his friend and try to keep him calm...well as calm as could be expected. After a few more hours the noises stopped and the faint cry of a baby could be heard coming from the room. Loki's head snapped up and he stared at the door with tired eyes, willing it to open.

Maeva walked out holding a blanketed bundle in her arms, "Your daughter, Loki. She's going to be just fine, she's strong like her Daddy."

Maeva passed the bundle to Loki, who took it gently, managing to look both proud and scared. He carefully folded a blanket back from her face, and there was his daughter. Big blue eyes framed by long, dark eye lashes, pink chubby cheeks, a button nose, pink pouting lips and, to top it all off, jet black curls. He was enamored with his daughter from the second he saw her.

"Hey there, Little One." Loki said softly as he stroked her face with a finger.

"What is her name?" asked Saevarr as he peeked over the blanket's edge.

"Arngerðr and I have not picked a name yet...we thought we had more time...Arngerðr!" Loki suddenly realized that Maeva had said nothing about his beloved wife.

Loki passed his daughter to Saevarr, knowing he would keep her safe, and rushed into their chambers. His first and rather overwhelming impression of the room was blood...there was so much blood. There were basins of bloody water on the floor, bloody linens on the table and bloody sheets on the bed. Also on the bed was the still form of Arngerðr.

Loki rushed to her side, clutching her hand, stroking her face and begging her to wake up. This went on for some time before Maeva put a firm but careworn hand on his shoulder, "I am sorry, Loki." Her voice shook, "We did everything we could, but it was not enough." It was clear Maeva's heart was breaking, she had delivered Arngerðr in this very room. "If there is anything I can do..." Loki shrugged her hand off and pulled his wife's body closer to him. "Loki, I am sorry...but she is gone." Maeva said softly, "You need to let go, so we can clean her body for her pyre."

The word pyre nearly killed him, the thought of her lying there on the bier as flames touched and licked at her fair skin was unbearable. The word also triggered something in him, a deep sadness outside of what was happening, he realized now, the grief his Mother and Thor must have gone through when they were told he was dead. Guilt piled on top of fresh pain and a keening cry escaped his lips. Loki climbed onto the bed and cradled Arngerðr's body against his chest, her head on his shoulder. He kissed her hair and rocked back and forth, tears streaming down his cheeks. Maeva tried to get him to let go but backed away quickly when she saw his face. The desperation in his eyes was matched only by his voice when, with his forehead resting on her's, he cried out, "You promised me forever!" Saevarr would swear until his dying day that he literally heard Loki's heart break. The Elf stood in the doorway, holding Loki's daughter, watching the painful scene in front of him unfold.

"Loki..." Saevarr took a step toward the bed and Loki's head snapped up and stared him down.

"Do not come any closer, Saevarr. You are my friend, but she is my wife."

"Loki, she is gone. You are only hurting yourself." The baby in Saevarr's arms gave a soft cry, diverting both men's attentions. The cry brought Loki back to reality.

"Did Arngerðr ever get to hold her? Was she ever held by her mother?" Loki questioned Maeva.

"...no, I am afraid she did not."

"Give her to me, Saevarr. My daughter will not grow up and be able to say she was never held by her mother."

Saevarr hesitated, and then passed the baby to Loki. Loki nestled his baby daughter in his wife's cold arms as he held onto both of them. For one brief moment they were a family.

Eventually, Saevarr and Maeva managed to get Loki to release his wife's body, his condition was that they not start the funerary preparations for twenty four hours.

Loki stood and turned to go out the door.

"Loki, she needs a name." Saevarr gestured at the baby who was, again, in his arms.

"Her name is Finna." And with that Loki was gone, rushing off the library to see if there was even the slightest chance he could change his wife's fate.

Loki spent the next twenty four hours frantically scouring the library, reading and rereading epic poems, spells and mythologies for any trace of hope, but he found none.

And so, it was with a heart too heavy for words, that he carried his wife to her bier and lit the fire himself. He had failed her, she who had comforted and loved him. He failed her, just like he had failed his family in Asgard...just like, he felt, he was bound to fail Finna. Slowly, he walked back to the surrounding crowd and took Finna from Saevarr. For one brief moment, he thought of jumping into the flames and joining his wife, but one look at his beloved daughter stayed the thought. He could never leave her alone.

Every day, he expected it to get easier and every day everything seemed that much harder. He would make sure Finna was cared for and happy and then disappear into the library to look for a bit of text that he might have missed. Loki was willing to go to Hel and sell his soul if it meant getting Arngerðr back. Everyone in Alfheimr was worried for him, it was not that he regressed to the tortured, spiteful god he once was, it was that everyday he seemed to slip father and farther away from them and further and further into a deep depression. Loki did not want to leave his daughter alone, but he could not face living without Arngerðr. When he did not eat or sleep for a week, Saevarr knew something had to be done. He summoned Odin.


	17. Chapter 17

When Odin arrived in Alfheimr he was met by Saevarr, the Elf led him straight to the library. Tucked away in a dark recess was Loki. There in the candle light, Odin thought he'd never seen his son look so ill. Dark circles under his eyes, skin pale and sallow, he was hunched over an ancient tome one hand fisted in his lank hair the other holding his place on the page.

Odin took a step toward his son, Loki showed no notice of him as he was obsessively absorbed in his search for a way to bring his wife back. His father put a hand on his shoulder.

"Loki...you need to stop this...Arngerðr is not coming back, you must let her rest in peace."

Loki pulled away, a hurt look on his face. "I thought you, of all gods, would understand...what if this were Mother? Would you do nothing?! Gods in Asgard come back from the dead all the time..."

He was reaching now, they both knew it. Bringing a god back to life took much dealing and sacrifice with less than upstanding beings in the Hel, even then it was not a sure bet.

Odin wrapped Loki in a bear hug, he would not get away this time- he needed to be still and to listen.

"Oh my Son, you know full well how dangerous and difficult it is to bring a god back from the dead. Would you risk your own life and leave Finna an orphan?"

Loki made no reply, Odin thought it was far from a good sign. He continued, "Even if you knew how to bring a god back, Arngerðr was an Elf, it would be completely different...perhaps even impossible."

"I cannot live without her, Father. I cannot do it..." Loki clung to his father like he had as a child, tears streaming down his face.

A year ago, Odin would have reprimanded Loki for being selfish and thinking only of himself when he had a child who needed him, but he could not do that now. Odin sighed, "Loki, I know it is hard...I nearly lost your Mother once and it almost killed me..." He stroked Loki's hair.

"But you got her back!" Loki wailed, all restraint gone. "It is not fair, I was finally happy...I had everything I had ever wanted and it has all been taken away. Is this some further torment for all my evil?! What?! Can I not be happy ever, it that to be my eternal punishment?! To come so close...so close..." Loki broke down and cried in his father's arms.

Odin held Loki's face in his hands, you have not lost everything, you have your daughter to love and raise. You must teach her about her mother, let Arngerðr's memory live that way."

"I cannot do it alone..." Loki whimpered.

"And you will not have to, Brother." For a moment, Loki was sure he had finally lost his last bit of sanity.

"Thor...?" There was a frown on Loki's face, a question in his tired green eyes and his voice was raspy with pain.

Thor walked to his brother and gently embraced him. "I am so so sorry, Brother. You did nothing to deserve this pain."

The relief he felt at seeing his father and brother was immense, he had not realized how much he missed and cared from them until this moment. He was practically weak with emotion at this point. Thor, ever the pragmatist, asked, "Have you eaten or slept today? Loki, you must stay strong for your daughter. No niece of mine is going to grow up an orphan. Come." Thor led him to the door, meaning to take him to eat but just then they heard a baby cry.

Loki looked wearily at Saevarr, "I left her with her nursemaid, I know not why they are here." Had the Liesmith not been exhausted, he would have easily picked up on his friend's falsehood. Outside, sitting on a bench holding Finna was, not the nursemaid, but Frigga. Loki stopped short, "Mother?"

Thor was pretty much the only thing keeping Loki on his feet, gently he guided his brother to the bench.

"Mother." The pleading in Loki's voice made it plain that he was worried this was a dream and that he would loose them too. Frigga shifted the baby in her arms and stroked her youngest son's face, there were tears in her eyes. "Oh, my Loki...my Loki..." Her tears spilled down her cheeks as she embraced him with her free arm.

"You see?" Said Odin as he came out to them, "You do not need to do this alone. We have come to take you and Finna home."

"Home...?" Loki tested the word out, "I...we can come home?" Something like hope lit up in his eyes as he glanced lovingly at his daughter. Frigga passed her to him and he smiled sadly. As much as he loved Alfheimr, it was too full of memories of Arngerðr to be comfortable.

But then, Loki's face fell. He looked up at his father but before Loki could ask his question, Odin answered it. "Anyone who objects to you or your daughter's presence in Asgard will deal with me." There was a finality in Odin's words that was slightly chilling, but Loki was grateful for them.

He stood, cradling Finna to his chest, smiling for the first time since Arngerðr died. Saevarr shifted in the brackground and turned to leave, feeling both sad and happy at this news.

"Saevarr, wait. Where are you going?"  
Saevarr stopped and blinked a few tears out of his eyes, "I...I was..."

"You were leaving. Do not go, I am not gone yet. I want you to stay until I must go. And then, you must go to Asgard, and visit with me. Did you think I would leave and forget the first and best friend I made here? "

Saevarr smiled, he was touched by Loki's words and truth be told, he had become rather fond of Finna. "You will not forget me? You promise?"

Loki glanced down at the baby sleeping in his arms, "She has as much right to grow up here as she does in Asgard. Do you think I would cut her off from half of her parentage? Saevarr, I will be the last god ever to do that...I know how it feels to feel as though a part of you is missing. That will not happen to my daughter."

Frigga took charge of Finna while Loki ate and rested. As soon as he was ready, they all made the trip back to Asgard, Saevarr included.

The Elf spent his time there, marveling at the architecture, studying in the vast library with Loki and playing with Finna. He was grateful for the hospitality but once he was sure Loki would be okay, he said his goodbyes- with the promise that he would keep Loki informed of all happenings in Alfheimr and come back to Asgard soon.

There were few gods who voiced concern over Loki's sudden return, they could see he was changed. Those few that did raise concerns were treated to the full show of Odin's temper, they wisely rethought their viewpoints and slunk off to lick their wounds.

In this new time of peace in his life, in his true home, Loki thought he just might be happy again someday. He did not wish to find a woman to take Arngerðr's place, but his joy in watching Finna progress and grow was enough for him. And his happiness was enough for his family.

Fin.


End file.
